A Late Diagnosis, Parenting Neurodivergent Kids, and Embracing Authenticity

Interview with Writer and Mom, Laura Donovan

Have you ever met someone whose view of the world just piqued your curiosity? Laura, who you’re about to meet, has always intrigued me. I was lucky enough to marry into a large Irish family that spreads across the country, and Laura is one of my husband’s “West Coast” cousins. She has always shown fearless creativity and a willingness to be vulnerable in her writing. When she opened up about her autism diagnosis, which came only after her sons were evaluated for autism, I had a million questions for her.

Laura has a gift for sharing her perspective in a way that other people can relate to. Even at a young age, she began self-publishing her stories, laying the foundation for a successful writing career, which for awhile allowed her to live in DC, close to us. Her work eventually brought her back home to California, and then to Oregon, but over the years, we have done our best to stay in touch. It always gives me a little jolt of pride to see her bylines in major publications!

On social media, Laura would share intriguing aspects of herself, such as her experience with synesthesia – a condition where one sense involuntarily triggers another, like seeing colors when hearing music – or her rich reading life and fabulous book reviews. Her unique perspective has always fascinated me, and I'm thrilled to delve deeper into her journey, especially her recent discovery of being neurodivergent and how it intertwines with her roles as a mother and writer.

That’s my experience. Here’s her official bio: Laura Donovan is a memoirist and essayist living in Portland, Oregon. She lives with her husband, Ian, and two sons, both on the autism spectrum. Like many women, Laura's autism was undiagnosed when she was a kid in the 90s, and she didn't get diagnosed until age 35. Prior to motherhood and this path to self-discovery, Laura enjoyed a fruitful career in online media and journalism, growing companies such as ATTN:, HelloGiggles, Mic, and the true crime television series, "Crime Watch Daily with Chris Hansen," with her writing and social media talents. Most recently, her essays on parenting have appeared in Bustle, Romper, SheKnows, and Business Insider. She's currently seeking a literary agent or publisher to help bring her parenting memoir to market.

Laura, thank you so much for diving into this topic with me and my readers. Can you start by telling us how you ended up getting a neurodivergent diagnosis as an adult?

It all started when my older son, James, was diagnosed with autism at three. He constantly quoted movies and TV shows, what I later learned was called "scripting," a common characteristic of autism. He also knew the alphabet as a baby and could count to 120 before he was two. I noticed similarities between James and my younger self: scripting, struggling with coordination, lining up toys. But, I didn’t make the connection until my younger son, Johnny, was also evaluated for autism.

After Johnny’s diagnosis, I jokingly told his doctor that maybe I should get evaluated too, given the family history. She didn’t laugh. Instead, she said, based on her interactions with me, she thought it would be a good idea. That moment was eye-opening. Many women my age (I’m 36) and older are getting diagnosed later in life because we were missed when autism was seen as a “boys’ disorder.” Women and girls often present differently. The doctor referred me to a former classmate who evaluates adults, and I got tested right away.

How did your diagnosis change how you see yourself as a person, a mother, and a writer?

I have so much more compassion for myself now. I need a lot of alone time and downtime, and I understand it’s not because I’m lazy or high-maintenance; rather, it’s because my body is in a constant state of overstimulation. Growing up, people thought I was just an overindulged “only child” (I have older half-siblings who didn’t live with me), but I always needed to recover after socializing. Now I know autistic people tend to tire out more quickly because we’re always processing so much sensory input.

As a mom, I understand my limits. I used to take my boys on so many outings alone, but I was constantly stressed and overstimulated. Now, I don’t push myself to do those things solo. Knowing I’m autistic has clarified so much, including why I’m drawn to writing. Autistic people often have special interests, and writing has been my obsession since childhood. As a kid, I carried around magazine cutouts of Frankie Muniz everywhere—I was completely fixated on celebrities. That obsession shifted to writing, which is infinitely healthier and more productive.

I can imagine that you had some mixed feelings when you were diagnosed. Did you feel grief? Relief? Both?